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I will make you to take off your shoes in my house. And never, ever try to get on the bed with your shoes on. I like to use chopsticks in new and interesting ways. Pro-tip: Refill everyone else's cup before your own, going from oldest to youngest. Prepare for a lifetime of finding knots of long black hairs in the shower drain, in the vacuum cleaner, on the carpet, everywhere, all the time.14.

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I yawned my way through weeknights with a tutor or at a prep program, and I spent my Saturdays at Korean school hating life while learning how to be a better Korean. "You're not married to this so-called boyfriend of yours yet — what's the big deal? Actually, just be willing to eat everything when you're around me.

So I'm neurotic about some aspect of that, whether it's my weight or the particular paleness of my skin or my big feet or what have you. Don't cross me when I'm mad because something like the kimchi slap will happen to you.

Having been taught to use chopsticks before I learned to speak, I consider them to be the best utensils. If you pour tea for yourself before my Yeh Yeh, you will be judged accordingly.

I don't understand why anyone would eat Flaming Hot Cheetos without chopsticks (keeps the Cheetos dust from getting on the fingers). Don't assume I know how to speak fill-in-the-blank-Asian language. Doesn't matter who's with me, when I'm eating out, I'm going to reach for the check first. With parents and aunts and uncles getting into physical altercations over who gets to pay for dinner.

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