The average male who is old enough and mature enough to want to marry has realized that sex is not always a triumph.I'm not saying he is sexually insecure: indeed, with the right woman he may be easygoing, studly and confident.Let me say at the start, I don't mean to imply that men get to do the choosing.It isn't like a vegetable stand, where a man can say, "I'll take this onion here, not these others," and the onion has nothing to say about it. I knew a guy who got very turned on by a woman's handshake, if it was "as strong as a man's." His friends told him he was in the closet, but he stuck to his guns. Surely the cultured, educated, spiritual (yet masculine) man of your dreams doesn't look only at the outside of a woman.Interesting essays could be written on how men should choose women, or how men wish they chose women. The fact is men can't help looking, even happily married men, even codgers who think Viagra is better than money. This may seem too obvious to even mention, but in fact it is the key to the whole thing. " 'Ruthlessly pragmatic' Scientists say men and women are both designed to be ruthlessly pragmatic in their criteria for a mate.But we will focus on a topic of more practical interest: in the real world, how do men actually choose women? If you make it difficult to be seen -- for instance, if you sit in the back booth with shades on -- you stop Step One from happening. (Note that being seen is particularly crucial -- and achievable -- if you are trying to meet Mr. Women are programmed by evolution to choose men based on their father potential, which is closely associated with status in the group -- what we now call money and power.Meanwhile Tom, who is one barstool over, is caught in a different struggle.Tom does not perceive Rachel as hawk-like or aggressive; he came from a family of women who had features somewhat like Rachel's, and to him her face represents not only beauty, but comfort, femininity and warmth. He is not a lawyer and is not directly threatened by any status Rachel may have in that area.
But one area, at least, seems to be a no-brainer: a man's own physical likes and dislikes.
They strike up a conversation with her while they wait for their respective tables.
The woman, Rachel, is friendly, glad to have someone to talk to while she waits for a friend to show up.
What we're talking about is, how do men pick out which women they are going to try for. All this may strike the sensitive, intelligent woman as superficial, even offensive. "True beauty is on the inside," women cry out from the salons of the world.
Nor am I condoning, excusing or endorsing men's methods. "Besides," I hear them say, "we women are forgiving of men's looks -- why can't men return the favour?